The Voices Of Healing

I stood on the cliffside screaming "Give me a reason!"

I was ruining myself for a future I didn't believe in.

Didn't know whether I wanted to fall off or turn around,

So I dialled her number to momentarily leave the battleground.

"It gets better," she promised- but I didn't care if she was right.

I was broken, I was tired. I no longer wanted to fight.

There was blood on the floor, on my hands, and fresh on the blade,

If my attacker was me, would it make a difference if I prayed?

"Be kind to yourself," she pleaded- but kindness had long become foreign,

I'd fallen too deep to rise above my sins.

I was a shard of glass that knew only to cut and to break,

The only choice I had was in who I would put at stake.

"It was never your fault," she insisted- then why didn't I have anyone to blame but me?

I must have been an unreliable narrator of my own story.

If anyone lived inside my head, I was afraid they'd see,

That I might be better off alone, and the world would be better off without me.

"Do you want me to stay?" she whispered as I struggled to breathe,

"Yes... please…" I managed through gritted teeth.

I took a step back from the edge of the precipice,

As her steady voice kept me from falling into the abyss.

"You're a strong woman," she said- but how could that be true?

I was ready to give up, that's not what strong women do.

I was cowering from every blow, tried to surrender at the first chance,

But I must have been worth something, if she had decided to spare me a second glance.

"You will heal," she assured me- and some childish part of me hoped she was right.

I saw the faintest spark of hope that she had managed to ignite.

I glanced at the abandoned battlefield, wondering if it would make a difference if I went back-

And then at the moonless sky, only to find it wasn't completely black.

"I'm proud of you," she said one day- and tears pricked at my eyes.

Her reasons for it, I could never surmise.

The twilight was over and the battle was about to recommence.

I resolved to prove worthy of it, until those words truly made sense.

I stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason!"

The distant echo of her voice gave me something to believe in.

I no longer wanted to fall off so I turned around,

I said my prayers as I left to face myself on the battleground.

-To my high school English teacher, my voice of healing